girl side

i was born from tangerine seeds & 

mother’s repentance: equal parts garden and girl. 

my garden side – ignored & easy – brims with

life example: i pack dirt into the holes in my belly

and it takes to me example: belladonna fattens 

between my legs & in the back of my larynx example: 

i sow flowers into my dead sister’s back & 

for a moment i hear her heart sputter. it reminds me 

of my mother’s love or perhaps my 

father’s hate example: father’s bruised knuckles 

lapping ice from my sister’s corpse every Sunday example: 

mother’s hands wrinkled with fruit juice example: knives 

tucked underneath each of their tongues, 

slicing gums raw.

my second face is ugly, childish. i devour

stolen tangerines, unripe, & do not regret it example: 

citrus bites my split lip but i deserve it example: i 

am both adam & eve example: finches cower 

from me but i still manipulate them into my 

chapped palms. when the whites of my eyes consume them 

i am left with feathers in my pharynx & 

reverberations example: finch skeleton peels 

into my garden side – compost example: i plant crabgrass in 

wet concrete but hemlock grows instead example: i 

play my trachea like a flute just to hear its birdsong. 

sometimes when no one is watching, my form, unstable, 

flickers. momentarily my two sides merge &

i am exposed:

i am crescent tangerines / i am split lip / i am finch cadavers /

i am gardens, festering / i am the mother of manic birds / i am a family’s hate 

for its daughter / i am his open palm / 

i am a monster oh god i am a monster